Just read some headlines… it seems as though 40 000 prostitutes will be entering SA for the World Cup in June this year. Let me assure you, the first thing that hit my mind after I read the title was not “I wonder why prostitutes like football so much?” No it was something else…
…more along the lines of “wait, hold on, this is South Africa, HIV/AIDS capital of the world. Why, oh why, do analysts predict such a great surge in the sexworker industry? Surely a wealthy man, rich enough to afford a lengthy stay in SA to watch his beloved home team kick a bouncy thing on a field for 80 minutes, would have a vague idea of what could happen if he… made rude with a prostitute here. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not condoning prostitution in countries with lower HIV prevalence. It just doesn’t make sense to me. I guess it’s because of my assumption that people with material wealth are also in possession of intellect (how would they accumulate said wealth without more than a handful of functioning brain-cells otherwise?). Anyone with an ounce of intellect should know that one needs to behave when one visits the HIV/Aids capital of the world.
There is a reason SA is Toxic green with a skull and crossbones on this HIV prevalence chart…
The more I think about this the less it makes sense, unless of course, these individuals had acquired riches the easy way (gambling, or selling some oil they siphoned from their back yards perhaps…). Let us do some math together to try clarifying the situation.
(EXITEMENT!).
We assume that 90% of 2010 World Cup tourists manage to get here by saving up hard earned cash (as opposed to dumb luck and easy earnings). The World Cup is predicted to bring in about 4.5 million soccer tourists. So roughly 450 000 of our soccer tourists got here the easy way (i.e. probably don’t have the intellect to realise how much at risk they are of contracting a deadly virus by using local sexworkers). Assuming one third of those are married/in a relationship and have come with their spouses (eliminating 2/3 of our 450 000 leaves us with around 150 000). I’m guessing that single men would make up about 2/3rds of what is left (call it the hypothetical football fanatic sex ratio…). So we are down to 100 000 potentials.
In terms of sexworkers (or steelworkers as spellcheck prefers to see it…): Offshore sexworkers wouldn’t bother coming here if the local sexworker industry was enough to cater for the event (so let’s say that the local prostitutes …’servicing’ tourists, number around 50 000). Media reports that the 2010 WC will also create a large amount of opportunistic sexworkers (let’s say 10 000). This leaves us with 100 000 sexworkers…
OH MY GAS! Do you realise what this means?!
If my estimations are correct, EVERY male soccer tourist (or female with a strange soccer fetish) that gets here the easy way will have an enormous horn and a teeny brain. I would steer well clear of these immoral fornicating baboons if I came across them come June.
This is a tale about Zakumi the leoperd. He is an official mascot for the largest tournament on the planet. Even I, a person that would rather watch a Mama Mia weekend marathon over saying the dreaded ‘C’ word, think the little guy is C- c- cu____ …(urg!) cute…
It just makes me sick seeing how soulless companies exploit cheap and under age labour forces by making them work under appalling conditions (or so I’ve heard) for something like R20 a day to manufacture Zakumi dolls (which Fifa will sell for R360 each)! Even the local heroes in charge of COSATU have called for the South African public to boycott the c-cute little mascot saying that these should be manufactured in SA so that we locals can benefit from the money. Cosatu even go so far as to say that they WILL NOT allow these dolls to be sold in South Africa and should manufacturing contracts not be awarded to SA companies “We will stop any FIFA or World Cup related event in this City (Cape Town)”.
Way to go Cosatu! Ransoming the slice of pie you have already been given to get the rest of the pie is pure genius. This “If I can’t have EVERYTHING I want NOTHING!” attitude is really going to pay off because the world knows that without South Africa the game of soccer would be DEAD and all happiness would be sucked out of everyone’s lives initiating a set of events that would bring about the apocalypse!
…the Dumbasses…
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not condoning the way Fifa operates or Chinese ethics. I do, however, end up with the impression that the exploited Chinese work force has kind of been sidelined in all of this. These humans are being used (yet again!) to draw attention to a matter (in this case manufacturing contracts). After the whole affair gets milked by the media I noticed that the product off all the reasoning was not “How can we improve the quality of life of an exploited group of people” but instead “Money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money MONEY!!!! CASH, dong, $$$$ money money money money money money money money…”. That’s all they care about! That’s all they EVER cared about!!! “They have it, we WANT it, screw everybody and everything else”.
In other news, South Africa received a consignment of 30 000 Chinese made Zakumi dolls. The products were made so cheaply that buyers could not resist placing an order for 70 000 more!
Also, I have tickets for the world cup (3 tickets to be precise)! I don’t particularly like soccer… and I really didn’t put much effort into getting these tickets. Heck I’m not even sure which teams I will be watching! I can truly say that I DON’T deserve these tickets. Especially when I consider how many people I know that LOVE the sport and haven’t qualified for just ONE ticket. It goes to show how badly the whole event has been organized if undeserving people like me can get tickets and rub them in the faces of those who WANT tickets. I admit, this is a huge amount of fun (for me), but it’s plain unfair...
I could go all Indian and sell them off to someone else… but I’m going to be patriotic instead.
I’ll go to all my matches, I’ll shamelessly join the crowd when they cheer and boo even though I won’t know what’s going on. I’ll buy some big yellow Niknaks man glasses and construction helmets with “sharp sharp” and “peace” scribbled onto them with black marker. I’ll make the utter most of this opportunity because I know I’ll probably be too old or dead before I get another chance to attend a soccer world cup in my country.
Here’s to Bafana Bafana, I won’t mind if you totally arse up your matches and get knocked out in the first round 'cause if one team doesn’t deserve a win, Bloody hell it’s you lot… I’ll still support you till the end though.
A place of luxury, joy and happiness? I think not. After all, playgrounds of the rich and famous usually have names like paradise-, or –hills, even names of birds, flowers and falls. No, no, 19 is the name of a place not entirely devoid of smiles, but nevertheless not worthy of a fancy name (like Paradisebird’flowerhillfalls…). 19 it seems, is an adequate name for a squatter camp (informal settlement) on the fringes of a one street town.
19 streches along the edge of the Kranskop industrial area. It is around 400m long and 100m wide
Surprised was I when I first found out that even small towns like Kranskop have room for large scale poverty. Sure, its neighbouring Zulu tribes are probably as close to the original culture as you are likely to find anywhere. “These people should be wearing skins, herding cows and harvesting maize, cane and yam crops out there in the beautiful Tugela river valley…” I thought to myself. It’s a traditional lifestyle that many hippies would be envious of. To be free and independent of the system, no taxes, no crime, no endless bills and no sense of helplessness whenever there is a power failure. Why do these people choose a life of poverty living in a 3m squared shack made of a mixture of other humans discarded bits of metal, tin, cardboard and naturally occurring mud, grass and irregular rocks excavated from the hillsides? Why do they leave the tribes and migrate to the cities? Money, no, the probability of acquiring money, perhaps, the search for a modern “better” lifestyle, overcrowding back home, better education…? I’ve pondered about this for quite some time and still can’t quite figure out what these people look to gain from leaving their tribes and moving to the cities, towns and villages.
I imagine a young man filled with hope, bathed cleaned and donning his best clothes. “I’m leaving now mum, going to the city to make some money. I promise I’ll come back with riches. Goodbye!” Alas he does not realise that the moment he waved and smiled to his mum when he left was the last time he felt levels of hope and confidence that satisfied his soul. He jumps into a taxi which takes him one way, to Kranskop. There he spends 3 or 4 days looking for a job and living off some tiny bit of saved up cash from local trade. By day 5 the money has dried up and the young man, still jobless, too embarrassed to go back home, succumbs to 19.
“19 will take you in for free!”
“19 will hold you in her arms till you get on your feet again.”
“19…”
“…home for those who have none.”
Surely it would be easier to admit defeat and go back home? The idea of returning to the place you were born, the place you had a purpose would stir restlessly around his mind for days, weeks and months… “No, things will get better, I must try harder” ...years. Why then does 19 visibly grow every month? Like some perpetual queuing system for those with broken dreams.
Children contributing to the household by fetching water from a local shop after the one faucet in 19 broke
I’m wrong of course, there is more to 19 than I, a neutral bystander with no concept of true poverty, can deduce from mere observations. While I’m here I want to learn about this place and it’s people. I want to alter my perceptions about squatter camp life in an effort to replace speculation with truth. I realise that helping these people would be nearly impossible in my current situation. Recent stats reveal that 1 in 4 South Africans (25% of our population!!!) earn less than R10 a day (about 1 Euro). Besides, what use have they for a scientist with an honours in zoology? I’d be more useful if I learned how to mend broken toilet seats for heavens sake. One thing I can do is spread awareness. I’m thinking about starting a new blog on this topic as I feel that my current one isn’t going to do any justice here.
The only question that remains is whether any human would be interested in reading and following a blog’cumentary of this nature (some feedback if you will faithful followers…)
I’m not one to harbor unnecessary hate against random entities over what, for example, the media reports on a person’s behaviour. I REALLY don’t care if Tiger Woods had an affair and betrayed his smoking hot wife…
…even if I can’t really understand why…
Mrs Tiger Woods...
Sure most people would lose respect for the guy but not me. I have zero respect for celebrities to begin with so it’s rather difficult for me to move them into a lower category without creating a whole new category and finding a benchmark for that category and blah, blah, blah… and I just couldn’t give a crap, they are totally not worth any of my time and effort.
I’ll give the guy credit though; he is pretty darn good at hitting a tiny white ball into a hole (using nothing but a stick!) from 100’s of meters away. Also, could you stay mad at this face?
WELL, COULD YOU!?
Sorry I’m drifting, I do however DETEST hypocritical people and organizations. Sorry to use this cliché but it seems appropriate here, people should always ‘practice what they preach’ or as Mahatma Gandhi so eloquently said “BE the change that you want to see in the world”. It’s easy claiming to be imperfect when you do something wrong. I’m no exception to this rule; I beat myself up pretty badly over missed deadlines and such (even if I hardly show it). Some mistakes are inexcusable though, how the hell can a person sleep at night knowing that he/she is living a farce of a life based on lies and falsehood!?
In any case, redirecting my rant towards this posts title, “Hypocrites rule South Africa”. I’m sure that you will all agree with me that we have the most corrupt and hypocritical leadership on the planet. Let me refresh your memory with some gems:
Our president Jacob Zuma preaches safe sex and HIV awareness. This after raping a woman and having a shower to keeps the AIDS away!
Jacob Zuma promises the people 500 000 jobs if he is elected president. 250 000 people lose their jobs shortly after he takes the reins and the best he could do was rephrase the campaign promise to “500 000 job OPPORTUNITIES” not “500 000 jobs”… so basically, it’s your own fault if you don’t want to become a successful millionaire entrepreneur… you lazy piece of shit!
COME ON DUDE! Is it that difficult to say “I’m sorry I screwed up. I’ll do my best to fix things before my term expires”.You’re not making any friends here Jacob.
Julius Malema (yes he wangled his way back onto my blog somehow…) is instantly recognised by the countless racism allegations he uses to draw attention to himself and stir up the media. They should include a clause under the definition of racist in the dictionary:
Racist:
–noun
> a belief or doctrine that inherent differences among the various human races determine cultural or individual achievement, usually involving the idea that one's own race is superior and has the right to rule others.
> a policy, system of government, etc., based upon or fostering such a doctrine; discrimination.
> hatred or intolerance of another race or other races.
> Usually, the first person to notice and point out obscure racism can be classified as a racist e.g. Julius Malema.
I’ve expressed my concern and confusion over the state of South African politics and how our country miraculously managed to function on something of a knife edge for so long… This weekend the answer hit me like a taxi driver running over helpless school children at a bus stop (yeah this happens quite often in SA… cover your kids in bubble wrap this festive season to be safe). The answer has been staring us in the face for quite some time actually. So obvious, so clear! I kicked myself for not seeing it sooner. The sole reason SA functions is so simple that I can sum it up in one word.
(for once I’m not going to leave you with a cliffhanger… here comes the word)
CHICKEN!
Yes dear readers, it all boils down to chicken (not boiled chicken of course… nobody would eat that. YUK!). I’ve noticed this trend countrywide and everything seems to match up perfectly. Some genius in government managed to find out that chicken take away abundance is directly proportional to citizen happiness. The doodle below illustrates my point.
So basically, If you want to keep your people happy you need to keep them bellies filled to the brim with good wholesome chick’. South Africa has this down to a fine art. We give the poor people Chicken Licken ‘Soul Food’, the lower mid-class population feasts on KFC, Upper middle class tend to settle for Nando’s and the elite upper class… well they eat… Woolies honey-glazed chicken or something. Nevertheless, my point stands, our nation remains united simply because we are given ample opportunities to eat chicken irrespective of social standing, colour or creed.
Not convinced?
Let me give you more evidence, notice that the people doing most of the complaining in SA are vegetarian, vegan and women on diets. This isn’t an insult… quite the opposite in fact. These are the only people NOT blinded by a veil of deep fried Colonel. Us chicken people, too weak to resist grilled Mediterranean spiced Nkuku, should at least try throwing full support behind these parties to thwart the hypocritical forces in charge of the system.
Needless to say, were it not for Chicken take away we’d be living in different South Africa. One where drugs, crime, murder, rape, violence and sexually transmitted diseases run rampant throughout the population all the while waiting to pounce on unsuspecting innocent victims… (ummm)… and people somehow unaffected by all the above don’t even get to eat yummy chicken!!! (*GASP!*). I’d HATE to live in that dung heap of a country.
I bet you are thinking “Wow! At least we can stand by and rely on our chicken franchises through these trying times” right now (I have this knack of guessing what people are thinking you see…)? Well don’t get too comfortable dear bloggers, I have recently discovered that even our humble chicken outlets are becoming hypocritical.
Here are some feedback comments I got off the official KFC South Africa website (These are real, I’m serious…):
Gary Müller, Said:
I have just experienced terrible service at the Bothasig KFC,and what’s more, received very dry chicken…
Feza Nxumalo, Said:
I have just experienced terrible service at the Centurion Jean Avenue KFC, and what’s more, received very dry and very salty chicken…
Manakedi, Said:
I bought KFC in Lynnwood at around 13h00. Around 15h00 I was experiencing terrible stomach cramps and my whole body started itching… my other two colleagues had experienced same problems except that the one also had diarrhoea…
Carol van Wyk, Said:
I want to raise a complaint about the Delmas franchise… On Saturday night, we ordered a kiddies meal, and when we opened the box, no gift inside!!!
And finally
DJM, Said:
I purchased a filler meal at KFC Louis Trichardt… It was not Finger Lickin Good as advertised.
Yes ladies and gentlemen, the hypocrites have even infiltrated our chicken take-aways!!! AAARGH! I even hear that KFC is now selling GRILLED chicken WTF~!? I’m not sure what the future holds in store for us, especially looking at the astounding rate of decay of KFC and numerous other chicken franchises… all I know is that it scares the poop out of me.
(Still really like this place though… strange that…) Happy holidays. This will be my last post for 2009. Be sure to pick up your free weekly dose of arb again as of 2010.
