How to solve the rhino horn saga

It being Rhino Day and all...

You think you are living in a modern world, a world where people are finally beginning to understand the way things work. Using science, logic and technological advances to solve problems is the norm.

No it isn't.

Some crazy backward bastards go and ruin everything by believing that a rhinos horn has medicinal value! According to 16th century pharmacists (yes, 16th century!!!) the magical horn is said to treat fever, rheumatism, gout, snake bites, hallucinations, typhoid, headaches, carbuncles, vomiting, food poisoning, libido, being possessed by the devil... but rhino horn does none of these things. These people may as well treat their condition by eating their own hair and nail clippings. Heck they may as well drink a glass of water, it's far more useful medicinally.

Thereafter, a group of even crazier money hungry sods go and harvest horns from live animals to meet the demand. A win win situation? I think not! Armed with aforementioned technological advances, poachers have become devastatingly efficient at harvesting horns. Rhino numbers are declining and so on and so forth...

THE SOLUTION

Okay it's pretty easy and I can't imagine why it hasn't been tried yet. You see the horn has tremendous value, it must have if poachers are able to form well organised armed teams in helicopters (!!!) to harvest a few (dozen maybe) horns a month at the most. Horns are also very scarce which drives their value up, this is logical. So what if...(let me put this into perspective)... what if authorities were to flood the market with fake rhino horn. If it is traditionally dispensed in a powder form simply drown the black market in fake product (it'll be just as effective, medicinally, as the real stuff).

1. Brainless customers will be happy because they could get their product cheaply.
   
2. Poachers would stop hacking rhinos to bits because selling chickens wings on the black market would be far more profitable
3. Rhino extinction probabilities would be reduced significantly
4. Hippies would stop their endless moaning on the subject (they'd find something else but we can be happy in between complaints)
   

WTF is Ayoba!?

One of my pet hates of late is manipulative advertising. Without fail every summer vacation sees a torrent of crafty businessmen taking way too much advantage of the bonuses and savings people have worked so hard for. I’d imagine that the average Joe's thought process over the festive season would be something like this:


“Wow! This product is useless and doesn’t make sense at all, but it’s Christmas and I have bit of extra cash to throw around so what the hell…BUY BUY BUY”.


Staring ashamedly away from the screen aren’t you. Don’t feel bad, I’m guilty of thinking the exact same way, in fact I go so far as to save up and be über conservative over the duration of the year just so I can go extra AWOL over summer and spooge on random useless things I would never dream of buying at any other point in the year. For me December is the only period I don’t feel bad about buying Computer games and techy stuff like RAM, graphics cards and copper heat pipe cooling (yes, I am indeed a Nerdbob-geeky-pants). Why don’t I feel bad about it? Because of all the friggin manipulative advertising!!! Christmas special catalogs from every department store litter the streets and jam our postboxes to capacity. Bargains never seen before and NEVER TO BE REPEATED must be taken advantage off. Kids running through the streets shouting ‘Ayoba!’ on their way to the cellphone shops to literally spend their vacation allowances on discounted AIR!


What the hell is AYOBA in any case? I see and hear it everywhere but still don’t know what it is. As far as I can see it’s just some random word with an exclamation mark behind it. Vodacom just spent millions inventing a word then put it on all their adverts to enlighten the masses hoping to achieve…-BLANK- (this is the bit I can’t make sense of) … so more people buy their product. Have we, the most advanced species in the known universe, fallen so far that these brainless sheep tactics actually have an effect on us?


AARGH!


I’ll leave you with this advert as a classic example of what I mean.

Drink Moet, It’s your best chance to make jolly with Scarlet Johansson. PS: She may even touch your winky ;)