So what’s the deal with donkey and dragon?

I always thought the makers of Shrek went a step too far when they thought it would be a good idea for donkey to get it on with dragon. Reptiles and mammals, eggs and fur, massive and tiny no No NO that will never do. People say all babies are cute but the mutant spawn created by the pairing of a donkey and dragon are most definitely not. Every time I see them I find myself waiting for the scene to end. You may be thinking “Geez EEbEE take it easy, it’s just a fantasy movie getting some laughs. Give it a break!” after listening to my initial rant. Bear with me, there is a point to all of this…

Honestly!?

…and here it is!>>> I honestly think that some things should be left alone and not turned into a cheap love story. The good writers know when to stop; J.R.R. Tolkien for example, didn’t see a need for a Mrs Gollum! So many good stories/episodes/series have been utterly ruined by these canned bean romances.

Harry Potter, I don’t care which girl Harry hooks up with and how they struggle to admit they love each other because they are young and innocent… just friggin point your wand at random shit and say funny made up words that make them spontaneously combust. Okay, that isn’t a riveting plot but it would sure as hell make for more interesting reading than Harry blushing and running away every time he sees a girl he likes!

The Big Bang Theory was the biggest let down. Here was a show that got laughs the clever way in season 1 and half of season 2. After that it just became a soapy about tactics nerds use to get laid. Currently I would estimate that around 95 percent of the humour is the same old “…that’s what she said” crap you can find on Hanging with Mr Cooper. They even found Sheldon Cooper a ‘girlfriend’! WTF! He was the only reason I still watched the show and now he too has a cheap, meaningless and humorless relationship with a secondary character.

House and Cuddy should never have hooked up in the first place. The episodes they are together are too wet to be classified as part of the series. For the first time since the series began, Wilson was funnier than House! Save the background love story for Dr Chase (sp?) isn’t that what the guy is for?

(I could easily go on but each new example urges me to delete everything on my hard drive.)

Seeing as I consider myself a fair guy, I will now dispense advice on how to rectify the cheap love story disease plaguing television of today (only assholes complain all the time without suggesting a solution).>>> I realise that writers are put under tremendous pressure to produce shows that are interesting, original, funny… and that after 15 episodes their imaginations are exhausted. Instead of turning towards the path of soppyness I implore them to watch some Japanese anime. There is something about those manga/anime dudes, they have the formula for a great show. Just the right proportions of humour, violence…romance to keep you glued to the show. I’m not one for soppy love stories (would you have guessed?) but anime has showed me that there is a time and a place for everything. Aweful, uninspired writers should get off their lazy arses and stop taking advantage of loyal fans. They should learn how to keep ratings up by providing good quality shows as opposed to milking inappropriate themes and getting away with it because walkover fans simply want to get their weekly fix of series X for routine sake. Screw that!

Views on smelly emotions

I know it’s only natural to be attracted to certain smells (perfumes, food, coffee, baking…). It’s almost like some invisible force has lassoed you by the nose and has decided to reel you in. It can happen so quickly too. For example, I’ll be walking past a bakery without a thought of going in to buy anything before, “WHAM!” (fresh cheese bagel smell) first my eyes widen, then my head will turn toward the direction of the source and before I know it I’m walking out the place choking on drool while carrying a bag of goodies. I become like Gollum clutching onto the one ring after that. In fact I wouldn’t be surprised if I subconsciously scowled at a few random innocent bystanders and stroked the bag on the way to my car (yes, I’m THAT helpless when it comes to fresh bread… don’t judge me).

(Ignore the ferret in that bagel... my Photoshop skills have some way to go.)

It all sort of makes sense when you think about it. There is often a nice reward associated with good smells… now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that a ladies nice perfume for example is positively linked to the size of her…eyes. I will concede, however, that most men (ones that don’t use moisturizer on their hands at least) are likely to turn their heads in the general direction of a lovely feminine scent to… look for potential; simply because if something smells pretty, it may just look pretty too.

(pauses to think)

Okay okay, rereading the last line of the previous paragraph, I realise how this point of view could be perceived as shallow and possibly lead readers to think that I’m some sort of fetish driven pervert. Before you jump to false conclusions about me please look at yourself and think about the last time a beautiful scent of perfume or cologne wafted past you in a corridor. Now nod in approval as you remember how helpless you were when you turned to look at the source of the fragrance. GUILTY I SAY!!! At this point you will find that you either turn back in shame (us modest lot do this…) or you look again to take in the details and fantasize about how that person would look drenched in vanilla custard.

(b.t.w. if you nodded for that second part then you are in fact a sick and freakish weirdo… go get help, it may not be too late).

My apologies if this post seemed a little rambly up to this point. I am in fact building up to the big question and slightly confusing situation I find myself in. You see I think smells help us to form a sort of emotional link to their respective sources. I think it has something to do with the familiarity and positive/negative feedback associated with a smell that makes it have so much control over a person.

This is exactly the reason I can’t understand what it is about the smell of pencil sharpenings (yes, good old fashioned wooden pencil shavings) that draws me to them?

There is something about that quite distinctive smell that I really REALLY like. If they ever sold essence of pencil sharpening or aerosol in the shops, I would totally go out there, buy the stuff and proceed to douse all of my stationery and office desk drawers with it. Heck I’d probably even eat a pencil sharpenings flavoured muffin!

Why?

I haven’t the slightest clue… this is where I was hoping my readers would be able to help me. Is it just me or is there anyone out there with a similar affection for a completely random smell. (Then again, maybe I do need help…).