Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Hypocrites rule South Africa

I’m not one to harbor unnecessary hate against random entities over what, for example, the media reports on a person’s behaviour. I REALLY don’t care if Tiger Woods had an affair and betrayed his smoking hot wife…

…even if I can’t really understand why…

Mrs Tiger Woods...

Sure most people would lose respect for the guy but not me. I have zero respect for celebrities to begin with so it’s rather difficult for me to move them into a lower category without creating a whole new category and finding a benchmark for that category and blah, blah, blah… and I just couldn’t give a crap, they are totally not worth any of my time and effort.

I’ll give the guy credit though; he is pretty darn good at hitting a tiny white ball into a hole (using nothing but a stick!) from 100’s of meters away. Also, could you stay mad at this face?


Sorry I’m drifting, I do however DETEST hypocritical people and organizations. Sorry to use this cliché but it seems appropriate here, people should always ‘practice what they preach’ or as Mahatma Gandhi so eloquently said “BE the change that you want to see in the world”. It’s easy claiming to be imperfect when you do something wrong. I’m no exception to this rule; I beat myself up pretty badly over missed deadlines and such (even if I hardly show it). Some mistakes are inexcusable though, how the hell can a person sleep at night knowing that he/she is living a farce of a life based on lies and falsehood!?

In any case, redirecting my rant towards this posts title, “Hypocrites rule South Africa”. I’m sure that you will all agree with me that we have the most corrupt and hypocritical leadership on the planet. Let me refresh your memory with some gems:

Our president Jacob Zuma preaches safe sex and HIV awareness. This after raping a woman and having a shower to keeps the AIDS away!

Jacob Zuma promises the people 500 000 jobs if he is elected president. 250 000 people lose their jobs shortly after he takes the reins and the best he could do was rephrase the campaign promise to “500 000 job OPPORTUNITIES” not “500 000 jobs”… so basically, it’s your own fault if you don’t want to become a successful millionaire entrepreneur… you lazy piece of shit!

COME ON DUDE! Is it that difficult to say “I’m sorry I screwed up. I’ll do my best to fix things before my term expires”. You’re not making any friends here Jacob.

Julius Malema (yes he wangled his way back onto my blog somehow…) is instantly recognised by the countless racism allegations he uses to draw attention to himself and stir up the media. They should include a clause under the definition of racist in the dictionary:



> a belief or doctrine that inherent differences among the various human races determine cultural or individual achievement, usually involving the idea that one's own race is superior and has the right to rule others.

> a policy, system of government, etc., based upon or fostering such a doctrine; discrimination.

> hatred or intolerance of another race or other races.

> Usually, the first person to notice and point out obscure racism can be classified as a racist e.g. Julius Malema.

I’ve expressed my concern and confusion over the state of South African politics and how our country miraculously managed to function on something of a knife edge for so long… This weekend the answer hit me like a taxi driver running over helpless school children at a bus stop (yeah this happens quite often in SA… cover your kids in bubble wrap this festive season to be safe). The answer has been staring us in the face for quite some time actually. So obvious, so clear! I kicked myself for not seeing it sooner. The sole reason SA functions is so simple that I can sum it up in one word.

(for once I’m not going to leave you with a cliffhanger… here comes the word)


Yes dear readers, it all boils down to chicken (not boiled chicken of course… nobody would eat that. YUK!). I’ve noticed this trend countrywide and everything seems to match up perfectly. Some genius in government managed to find out that chicken take away abundance is directly proportional to citizen happiness. The doodle below illustrates my point.

So basically, If you want to keep your people happy you need to keep them bellies filled to the brim with good wholesome chick’. South Africa has this down to a fine art. We give the poor people Chicken Licken ‘Soul Food’, the lower mid-class population feasts on KFC, Upper middle class tend to settle for Nando’s and the elite upper class… well they eat… Woolies honey-glazed chicken or something. Nevertheless, my point stands, our nation remains united simply because we are given ample opportunities to eat chicken irrespective of social standing, colour or creed.

Not convinced?

Let me give you more evidence, notice that the people doing most of the complaining in SA are vegetarian, vegan and women on diets. This isn’t an insult… quite the opposite in fact. These are the only people NOT blinded by a veil of deep fried Colonel. Us chicken people, too weak to resist grilled Mediterranean spiced Nkuku, should at least try throwing full support behind these parties to thwart the hypocritical forces in charge of the system.

Needless to say, were it not for Chicken take away we’d be living in different South Africa. One where drugs, crime, murder, rape, violence and sexually transmitted diseases run rampant throughout the population all the while waiting to pounce on unsuspecting innocent victims… (ummm)… and people somehow unaffected by all the above don’t even get to eat yummy chicken!!! (*GASP!*). I’d HATE to live in that dung heap of a country.

I bet you are thinking “Wow! At least we can stand by and rely on our chicken franchises through these trying times” right now (I have this knack of guessing what people are thinking you see…)? Well don’t get too comfortable dear bloggers, I have recently discovered that even our humble chicken outlets are becoming hypocritical.

Here are some feedback comments I got off the official KFC South Africa website (These are real, I’m serious…):

Gary Müller, Said:

I have just experienced terrible service at the Bothasig KFC,and what’s more, received very dry chicken…

Feza Nxumalo, Said:

I have just experienced terrible service at the Centurion Jean Avenue KFC, and what’s more, received very dry and very salty chicken…

Manakedi, Said:

I bought KFC in Lynnwood at around 13h00. Around 15h00 I was experiencing terrible stomach cramps and my whole body started itching… my other two colleagues had experienced same problems except that the one also had diarrhoea…

Carol van Wyk, Said:

I want to raise a complaint about the Delmas franchise… On Saturday night, we ordered a kiddies meal, and when we opened the box, no gift inside!!!

And finally

DJM, Said:

I purchased a filler meal at KFC Louis Trichardt… It was not Finger Lickin Good as advertised.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, the hypocrites have even infiltrated our chicken take-aways!!! AAARGH! I even hear that KFC is now selling GRILLED chicken WTF~!? I’m not sure what the future holds in store for us, especially looking at the astounding rate of decay of KFC and numerous other chicken franchises… all I know is that it scares the poop out of me.

(Still really like this place though… strange that…) Happy holidays. This will be my last post for 2009. Be sure to pick up your free weekly dose of arb again as of 2010.