Thursday, December 23, 2010

Life in the bundus

So I’ve moved back to my home town after 8 years of studying. I always knew I’d come back so I’m not THAT surprised. I love the country life. Sure, cities have their plus points (friends, services, convenient shopping…) but then there is also peak hour traffic which, I’ve noticed, extends noticeably into non-peak hours of late. I’d prefer Chinese bamboo torture over driving in bumper to bumper traffic behind a taxi covered in WWE wrestler stickers and blasting kwaito (music which is local, homegrown, ethnic and also utter trash!).

Country life should be chilled out. Wake up early go to bed early. Farmers in straw hats ferrying loads of cabbages to market in beat up old Toyotas. Fishing and fresh food. Home baked cookies and unsliced rusks. You get the idea, all rustic like…

Where I live, things are a tad more exciting though. Just yesterday a gang of armed robbers held up a local shop. Police in the area actually coordinated a road block and nabbed the bastards in a surprisingly well oiled operation. Well, when I say ‘nabbed the bastards’ I really mean ‘chase them into the mielie fields and shoot them to pieces’. If I was a criminal I’d definitely decide to lay low if I lived hereabouts. In fact some of SA’s most hard core criminals come from around here. ATM bombings and mall robberies in Johannesburg (who robs the mall!?) have links to rural Kranskop. Not to mention old Jacob Zuma’s posse down the road in Nkandla (which has recently overtaken Dubai as the world’s fastest growing city in the middle of nowhere).

Yes things do happen out here in the bundus. The best part of it all… NO TRAFFIC!

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

New on supermarket shelves in SA

I was in Pick 'n Pay today when I noticed this product on the shelves for the first time. Why did Kellogg's think it would be a good idea to name a breakfast cereal 'Smack' (unless said cereal contained a certain 'secret ingredient')! I mean honestly! do they think people will need their fix of smack in the mornings? Does the name guarantee a long term customer from a particular segment of buyers?

I'm not so sure... The frog/lizard thing seems to be very excited about the whole deal though, suspiciously so in my opinion. Have you ever seen a cereal box character with as big a smile???

Stay well away from this one friends, it gives me the heebee djeebeez

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

The most fun I had today

Ever had one of those days where the most fun you've had was watching all the red bars on your de fragmenting hard drive turn blue?

I'm having one of those days right now. I've been endlessly working on my theses, correct here, edit there, cut out here, paste there, type here, delete that, find references for this... AAARGH!!! It's so monotonous that I look forward to any break or possible escape from the hellish cycle. I found some relief staring at my defrag for around 5 minutes before realising how desperate I was and watching half an episode of Top Gear to regain some sort of sanity.

Writing up is far from easy, even if you have everything you need in front of you and all you need to do is assemble bits and pieces into one sensible paragraph. If I could just work my way around these mental blockades I could probably finish off the rest of my thesis in two days! Instead I have budgeted two weeks to complete the work.

Wish me luck fellow strugglers/stragglers

Monday, November 1, 2010

People I fail to get along with

I've met so many people who think like this. I usually pick it up after one or two in depth conversations. These people probably never perceive themselves in this way. It's a sad life in which the closest friend they can keep is their own reflection in the mirror. This however, doesn't seem to bother them in the least...

If, perchance, I too fall under this category please tell me so I can perform brain surgery on myself crossing fingers that I will lop off the right portion and become a worthy human being again.

In case you were wondering, this is just a general post aimed at finding out if I am (have become) what I hate. If you think you know who I am leave an honest comment (I can take it !!! *crushes an empty appletiser can onto his forehead*)

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Bad case of mistaken identity

I hate it when people get offended for no reason (I can't seem to get this image to show properly. Click to enlarge)

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

How to solve the rhino horn saga

It being Rhino Day and all...

You think you are living in a modern world, a world where people are finally beginning to understand the way things work. Using science, logic and technological advances to solve problems is the norm.

No it isn't.

Some crazy backward bastards go and ruin everything by believing that a rhinos horn has medicinal value! According to 16th century pharmacists (yes, 16th century!!!) the magical horn is said to treat fever, rheumatism, gout, snake bites, hallucinations, typhoid, headaches, carbuncles, vomiting, food poisoning, libido, being possessed by the devil... but rhino horn does none of these things. These people may as well treat their condition by eating their own hair and nail clippings. Heck they may as well drink a glass of water, it's far more useful medicinally.

Thereafter, a group of even crazier money hungry sods go and harvest horns from live animals to meet the demand. A win win situation? I think not! Armed with aforementioned technological advances, poachers have become devastatingly efficient at harvesting horns. Rhino numbers are declining and so on and so forth...


Okay it's pretty easy and I can't imagine why it hasn't been tried yet. You see the horn has tremendous value, it must have if poachers are able to form well organised armed teams in helicopters (!!!) to harvest a few (dozen maybe) horns a month at the most. Horns are also very scarce which drives their value up, this is logical. So what if...(let me put this into perspective)... what if authorities were to flood the market with fake rhino horn. If it is traditionally dispensed in a powder form simply drown the black market in fake product (it'll be just as effective, medicinally, as the real stuff).
  1. Brainless customers will be happy because they could get their product cheaply.
  2. Poachers would stop hacking rhinos to bits because selling chickens wings on the black market would be far more profitable
  3. Rhino extinction probabilities would be reduced significantly
  4. Hippies would stop their endless moaning on the subject (they'd find something else but we can be happy in between complaints)

Monday, September 20, 2010

Oh my God she is stupider than I ever imagined!

I saw something strange on Google news this morning, let me share.

Below is a picture of some meat. Okay the meat is sort of arranged in a manner that represents an item of clothing. A form of protest perhaps? Animal rights groups bringing awareness to the plight of animal lives we, as humans, so shamelessly exploit.

Think again, this item of ‘clothing’ belongs to someone. It isn’t a museum or exhibition piece either. This person actually wore the meat. I’ll give you one guess...

Yup you guessed it. Lady GAGA!!!

How the hell can she wear something like THAT (look at the hat and boots… *sigh*) and STILL walk around looking smug with that ‘I’m so original and popular’ look on her face!? She defended the meat dress by saying "If we don't stand up for what we believe in, if we don't fight for our rights, pretty soon we're going to have as many rights as the meat on our bones" (I interpret that as “I’m fighting for my right to be a crazy woman, if sane people have rights so should us crazy lot. VIVA CRAZY VIVA, PHANSI SANITY PHANSI!”). Remember, this is the same woman that said she refused to have sex because her creative juices would be sucked out of her vagina!

Gaga went on to saying something along the lines of “It’s the same as wearing leather…” (and I sayListen Gaga, it just isn’t… you’re a complete nutter”)