Showing posts with label puberty. Show all posts
Showing posts with label puberty. Show all posts

Monday, December 14, 2009

Give a dog a bone


Last month I got quite concerned about little Charlie Basset. He stopped eating! After showing zero interest in his morning kibble I decided to consult the Basset manual. The manual basically describes Basset Hounds as humble priests that only bow down to an alter of food. The manual says, and I quote “…you can train your Basset to walk on water for food…”.

Needless to say, I paged straight to the sickness and wellbeing section of the manual. I carefully read through all the known health issues and symptoms and simply couldn’t find one that matched Charlie’s behavior. The closest I got was gastric torsion; this happens when your dog eats too much air and it gets trapped in the GIT causing massive discomfort, pain and… loss of appetite. The manual said it can be fatal in a matter of hours. So I picked up Charlie and massaged his belly while holding him upright all the time listening for the movement and release of trapped air…

Nothing…

What could it be???

I wasn’t convinced by the symptoms, he was still as playful and happy as the day we got him. No signs of discomfort either, just a loss in appetite. 12 hours later his bowl of food was still untouched. He wouldn’t even eat his special treats or even sausage!!!

I spent that night checking on Charlie every hour for signs of stress or pain to no avail. He seemed perfectly healthy. The next day he ate a little after being messaged for around 20 minutes but it was only about a ¼ of his usual quantity. By that evening I was convinced that I should take him to the vet. I was so close to loading him up into my bakkie to the vet before I noticed something…
There…

…between his legs…

This dog had a serious boner!

Could it be??? His love of food has just temporarily been blocked out by…


...other needs…



My Charlie is growing up so quickly *sniff-sniff* (I'm listening to 'Alphaville - forever young' and crying helplessly right now)...{no, not really, what do you take me for!?}

I chose not to go to the vet and instead monitor his… penis… till I got an answer. That very afternoon I got a sign (I'll leave out the desciption here to address my TMI comment from a previous post). Charlie tried to hump my leg as I was brushing his coat. Slightly disgusted but less worried about his condition, I retired to bed to have a good night’s sleep. The next day, I was able to draw a pattern, every time I gave Charlie attention he got a boner! By the afternoon he was humping the edge of his tyre bed.

Sigh! (…of relief more than anything)

All is well now, I guess his hunger took over from his hormones after three days of eating a fraction of food.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Growing up 101


When our minds are young we fail to see the big picture. Our focus is blinded by immediate gains, a complete lack of direction and ignorance of the ultimate outcome. How often did you/do you reflect back on a situation and think "Geez, if I had known about consequence X, I may have acted differently in situation Y".
(nodding in agreement you are, yes?)


In my opinion growing up is not about having progressively less fun and making progressively more babies. It is all about how much you take notice of and appreciate details. It’s about honing your perception of reality. There are plenty of people out there with fully functional reproductive organs that I don’t consider adult yet.

For example, Julius Malema on rape charges: “When a woman didn’t enjoy it, she leaves early in the morning. Those who had a nice time will wait until the sun comes out, request breakfast and ask for taxi money. In the morning, that lady requested breakfast and taxi money. You can’t ask for money from somebody who raped you.”



Sigh...



You get the picture...




“Please Sir, tell us about this ‘attention to detail’ and how it has anything to do with growing up?”



“Well little Peggy Parkinson, since you asked so politely I am more than happy to answer your question. Before I do though, have you done your homework? I know you have been skipping homework consistently over the last few weeks... and don’t give me any of those ‘my parents beat me ‘ stories, we all know that both your parents died in that hostage situation last week and your granddad is much too old and weak to beat you...”



“Ummm...(sobs) yes Sir, I have done all my homework”



“Good!”



We cannot write off the coming of age and puberty as determinants of adulthood. They are often related. The main sign of maturity in my opinion is a well developed mind. Growing attention to details is a sure sign of a maturing mind. We no longer eat to satisfy hunger, we start appreciating flavour combinations and savouring good tastes. We stop seeing buildings and start appreciating architecture. We don’t listen and appreciate music as a whole, we delve deeper and recognise talent not only in the way individual instruments are played but also in way they work together with the lyrics of the song and other instruments being played at the same instant...



As wonderful as it is to acknowledge the beauty of a mature mind I also remind myself of the negative impact of age on one’s mind. Senility, the harsh reality that awaits those of us that live to an age where our intellect dries up and we revert to old ways and prepubescent mind sets; we become,





like Madonna...

I always think about Madonna when it comes to this topic. She is living proof of the process I have outlined above. You can tell by observing the progression of lyrics to her songs.



Pubescent Madonna (1984) “Like a Virgin” exerpt: (I pray night and day that I never meet someone as horny as this)



Like a virgin, ooh, ooh
Like a virgin
Feels so good inside
When you hold me, and your heart beats, and you love me


Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Ooh, baby



Adult Madonna (1998) “Frozen” exerpt: (I actually like this song)



You only see what your eyes want to see
How can life be what you want it to be
You're frozen
When your heart's not open


You're so consumed with how much you get
You waste your time with hate and regret
You're broken
When your heart's not open



Senile Madonna (2008) “Give it 2 me” exerpt: (I’M SERIOUS!!! These are the official lyrics)



If it's against the law, arrest me
If you can handle it, undress me...

Give it to me, yeah
No one's gonna show me how
Give it to me, yeah
No one's gonna stop me now...

Get stupid, get stupid
Get stupid, don't stop it [What]
Get stupid, get stupid
Get stupid, don't stop it [What]
Get stupid, get stupid
Get stupid, don't stop it [What]
Get stupid, get stupid
Get stupid, don't stop it
Get stupid [To the left], get stupid [To the right]
Get stupid [To the left], don't stop it [To the right]
Get stupid [To the left], get stupid [To the right]
Get stupid [To the left], don't stop it [To the right]
Get stupid [To left left], get stupid [Right right]
Get stupid [Left left], don't stop it [Right right]
Get stupid, stupid [Left left], stupid, stupid [Right right]
Stupid, stupid [Left left], stupid, stupid [Right right]



To end off:


I’m not one to wish for death... but I would honestly prefer to die before I live to an age where I become like Madonna and my mind has basically been reduced to a wobbling mound of excrement...