(Warning! This post is about farts. Read at own risk.)
I don't know much about how people go about their daily lives, what motivates them, keeps them from kick starting a chainsaw and going on a blood rampage... that sort of thing. Milestones are the ticket for me. You see I have these seemingly pointless goals I randomly set for myself. I don't get carried away with them, in fact some of my pointless milestones are only added to the list after I've done them, kind of:
"Oh that was unique and fun! I should add it to my completed milestones list"
You see it's my list, so I make the rules as I go along (feel the power HAHAHAAAAA!!!). So back to the point of this post. I just ticked off a milestone today. Many people (most of them of the female persuasion) think farts are disgusting and should be kept private (sound, vibration, olfaction...the works). I'm not saying that I enjoy any of these things, I just believe that humans need to fart just like we need to breath. Why all the fuss over flatulence? It's a natural and beautiful process... well, when I say beautiful I refer to the ensuing relief. In any case my milestone was to accomplish something useful with flatulence.
I got more than I bargained for today when my sister came into my room to have a chat (we often have these long chats about nothing in particular). Today was different, I had just let one off before she walked into my room. I gave the usual (frantic) hand signals to warn her and she promptly screwed up her face and left after saying, "I thought there was something funky in the air..." or something along those lines. In any case her planned path was now diverted though the kitchens 'safe zone' where she spotted our rechargable torch catch alight on the table.
"EEbEE, THERE'S A FIRE IN THE KITCHEN!!!!"
I run to the kitchen and unplug the torch before the fire has a chance to explode into a raging inferno engulfing our house and possibly the ENTIRE TOWN (...hey, it could've happened). I therefore declare my farts, not only useful, but Heroic!
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to find some unique way to sign an autograph...
I don't know much about how people go about their daily lives, what motivates them, keeps them from kick starting a chainsaw and going on a blood rampage... that sort of thing. Milestones are the ticket for me. You see I have these seemingly pointless goals I randomly set for myself. I don't get carried away with them, in fact some of my pointless milestones are only added to the list after I've done them, kind of:
"Oh that was unique and fun! I should add it to my completed milestones list"
You see it's my list, so I make the rules as I go along (feel the power HAHAHAAAAA!!!). So back to the point of this post. I just ticked off a milestone today. Many people (most of them of the female persuasion) think farts are disgusting and should be kept private (sound, vibration, olfaction...the works). I'm not saying that I enjoy any of these things, I just believe that humans need to fart just like we need to breath. Why all the fuss over flatulence? It's a natural and beautiful process... well, when I say beautiful I refer to the ensuing relief. In any case my milestone was to accomplish something useful with flatulence.
I got more than I bargained for today when my sister came into my room to have a chat (we often have these long chats about nothing in particular). Today was different, I had just let one off before she walked into my room. I gave the usual (frantic) hand signals to warn her and she promptly screwed up her face and left after saying, "I thought there was something funky in the air..." or something along those lines. In any case her planned path was now diverted though the kitchens 'safe zone' where she spotted our rechargable torch catch alight on the table.
"EEbEE, THERE'S A FIRE IN THE KITCHEN!!!!"
I run to the kitchen and unplug the torch before the fire has a chance to explode into a raging inferno engulfing our house and possibly the ENTIRE TOWN (...hey, it could've happened). I therefore declare my farts, not only useful, but Heroic!
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to find some unique way to sign an autograph...
3 comments:
Only you would see it that way! I'd be more amazed at the spontaneous fire than the sudden heroism of a fart...
Thanks for commenting on my blog! In this case, sharing is most definitely not appreciated...
One of the labmates who is currently here let one go the other day, and Helen and I spend the next 15 minutes alternately rushing outside to giggle and breathe, and surreptitiously spraying copious amounts of deodorant (not on ourselves) to minimise the smell... It was really really bad...
At least that milestone is completed. I can move along now and not bother looking for these...opportunities any longer.
fortunately my toots are are not the deadly sort.
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