Friday, March 5, 2010

Of morality and brains

Just read some headlines… it seems as though 40 000 prostitutes will be entering SA for the World Cup in June this year. Let me assure you, the first thing that hit my mind after I read the title was not “I wonder why prostitutes like football so much?” No it was something else…

…more along the lines of “wait, hold on, this is South Africa, HIV/AIDS capital of the world. Why, oh why, do analysts predict such a great surge in the sexworker industry? Surely a wealthy man, rich enough to afford a lengthy stay in SA to watch his beloved home team kick a bouncy thing on a field for 80 minutes, would have a vague idea of what could happen if he… made rude with a prostitute here. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not condoning prostitution in countries with lower HIV prevalence. It just doesn’t make sense to me. I guess it’s because of my assumption that people with material wealth are also in possession of intellect (how would they accumulate said wealth without more than a handful of functioning brain-cells otherwise?). Anyone with an ounce of intellect should know that one needs to behave when one visits the HIV/Aids capital of the world.

There is a reason SA is Toxic green with a skull and crossbones on this HIV prevalence chart…

The more I think about this the less it makes sense, unless of course, these individuals had acquired riches the easy way (gambling, or selling some oil they siphoned from their back yards perhaps…). Let us do some math together to try clarifying the situation.


We assume that 90% of 2010 World Cup tourists manage to get here by saving up hard earned cash (as opposed to dumb luck and easy earnings). The World Cup is predicted to bring in about 4.5 million soccer tourists. So roughly 450 000 of our soccer tourists got here the easy way (i.e. probably don’t have the intellect to realise how much at risk they are of contracting a deadly virus by using local sexworkers). Assuming one third of those are married/in a relationship and have come with their spouses (eliminating 2/3 of our 450 000 leaves us with around 150 000). I’m guessing that single men would make up about 2/3rds of what is left (call it the hypothetical football fanatic sex ratio…). So we are down to 100 000 potentials.

In terms of sexworkers (or steelworkers as spellcheck prefers to see it…): Offshore sexworkers wouldn’t bother coming here if the local sexworker industry was enough to cater for the event (so let’s say that the local prostitutes …’servicing’ tourists, number around 50 000). Media reports that the 2010 WC will also create a large amount of opportunistic sexworkers (let’s say 10 000). This leaves us with 100 000 sexworkers…

OH MY GAS! Do you realise what this means?!

If my estimations are correct, EVERY male soccer tourist (or female with a strange soccer fetish) that gets here the easy way will have an enormous horn and a teeny brain. I would steer well clear of these immoral fornicating baboons if I came across them come June.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

And another thing about school...

Back when I was in grade 8 we started a new subject at school. It was called Counseling. For those unfamiliar with the subject, it’s basically one of those useless ‘voyage of self discovery’ subjects that us scholars listed under the broader ‘Fartarse subjects’ category. It didn’t take much for a subject to fall into the fartarse category, the criteria were simple:

1- No studying required 2- Walkover teachers (the kind you …well, walk all over…) 3- No exams 4- Lots of group work 5- Minor contribution to ones report card

A few other subjects that I considered fartarse were religion, history of art, computers, art and sports (all sports… no exceptions). I’m drifting… in any case back in Counseling classes, we were encouraged to think out of the box. In scenario X your preferred response would be ‘______’ (insert well thought out answer here). We’d answer a whole bunch of random questions after which our scores would be tallied and we were placed into categories similar to the fashion in which a farmer would grade his… potatoe crop for sale to different markets (hmm… struggling to think of a nice analogy here).

These magical categories were supposed to give you a better idea of the carrier path you wanted to take. For example, Jane scores xxx points! Well done Jane you are an Eagle/Ant/Fish/Dungbeetle. You should become a Doctor/Accountant/Social Worker/Plumber… Good luck with that! Byebye!


It just pissed me off. Who was the arrogant piece of kaka that came up with this system and why did this person think that they could predict and guide the life of a 13 year old towards success by asking random questions and scoring us on our answers! We were kids, we had dreams, we had something to look forward to and that was already the best incentive for working hard and reaching our goals! Everything was going fine till we took your Satan spawn questionnaire and some A’hole decided “No, you wouldn’t make a very good aircraft pilot, maybe consider working 8 to 5, six days a week behind a desk in a small office counting stuff…”. GRRR!!!

Go AWAY! Just LEAVE! …and take your stupid questionnaire with you sadistic, dream shattering Hitleresque commie’ bastard!

If you are a kid reading this post (or adult that has fallen for that commie’ bastards trickery) take my advice: You have a brain! Just do what you want to and don’t let other people (especially those who haven’t a clue who you are) have an effect on your life decisions. If you don’t know what it is you want, simply pursue the truth… the rest will follow.