I've met so many people who think like this. I usually pick it up after one or two in depth conversations. These people probably never perceive themselves in this way. It's a sad life in which the closest friend they can keep is their own reflection in the mirror. This however, doesn't seem to bother them in the least...
If, perchance, I too fall under this category please tell me so I can perform brain surgery on myself crossing fingers that I will lop off the right portion and become a worthy human being again.
In case you were wondering, this is just a general post aimed at finding out if I am (have become) what I hate. If you think you know who I am leave an honest comment (I can take it !!! *crushes an empty appletiser can onto his forehead*)
Back when I was in grade 8 we started a new subject at school. It was called Counseling. For those unfamiliar with the subject, it’s basically one of those useless ‘voyage of self discovery’ subjects that us scholars listed under the broader ‘Fartarse subjects’ category. It didn’t take much for a subject to fall into the fartarse category, the criteria were simple:
1- No studying required2- Walkover teachers (the kind you …well, walk all over…)3- No exams4- Lots of group work5- Minor contribution to ones report card
A few other subjects that I considered fartarse were religion, history of art, computers, art and sports (all sports… no exceptions). I’m drifting… in any case back in Counseling classes, we were encouraged to think out of the box. In scenario X your preferred response would be ‘______’ (insert well thought out answer here). We’d answer a whole bunch of random questions after which our scores would be tallied and we were placed into categories similar to the fashion in which a farmer would grade his… potatoe crop for sale to different markets (hmm… struggling to think of a nice analogy here).
These magical categories were supposed to give you a better idea of the carrier path you wanted to take. For example, Jane scores xxx points! Well done Jane you are an Eagle/Ant/Fish/Dungbeetle. You should become a Doctor/Accountant/Social Worker/Plumber… Good luck with that! Byebye!
WTF!
It just pissed me off. Who was the arrogant piece of kaka that came up with this system and why did this person think that they could predict and guide the life of a 13 year old towards success by asking random questions and scoring us on our answers! We were kids, we had dreams, we had something to look forward to and that was already the best incentive for working hard and reaching our goals! Everything was going fine till we took your Satan spawn questionnaire and some A’hole decided “No, you wouldn’t make a very good aircraft pilot, maybe consider working 8 to 5, six days a week behind a desk in a small office counting stuff…”. GRRR!!!
Go AWAY! Just LEAVE! …and take your stupid questionnaire with you sadistic, dream shattering Hitleresque commie’ bastard!
If you are a kid reading this post (or adult that has fallen for that commie’ bastards trickery) take my advice: You have a brain! Just do what you want to and don’t let other people (especially those who haven’t a clue who you are) have an effect on your life decisions. If you don’t know what it is you want, simply pursue the truth… the rest will follow.
Having recently gotten to know someone who is a ‘Reiki doctor’, I felt I needed to look into this practice to see what it was all about.
What is Reiki? After a quick Wiki I managed to gain some fundamental understanding of this form of healing. Spiritual healing to be precise, and if you asked me to define ‘spiritual healing’ in reiki lingo I would fail hopelessly. There is no scientific evidence to support the existence and manipulative healing effects of human ‘ki’. Ki is simply described by those familiar with it as ‘mysterious atmosphere’, ‘spiritual energy’ or ‘life force’. After reading those definitions the scientist in me screamed “ARRRGH! Hippies!!!” After hearing about so many reiki success stories the scientist in me shrugged and said “placebo effect…the dumbasses”.
I read further and came to the conclusion that reiki would theoretically work… it’s basically a method of getting your mind to communicate with your body. Too often in modern society do humans push themselves to the limit, their minds always want to achieve more but their bodies simply can’t cope with these ambitious targets and start degenerating as a consequence. In simple English “Stress can and will kill you”.
My relatively uneducated opinion is that when and if reiki does work, it’s because it manages to get high strung and generally stressed out folk to unwind. Simply telling these people to “chill out and stop stressing” won’t work because they have zilch intention of actually listening to you. Now, bring in a reiki doctor to lay them down on a comfy table and wave hands over them for 90 minutes whilst placing colourful “energy charged” crystals/rocks onto their head, chest, genetalia… add a bucket load of frowning, thinking and intense concentration and something DOES happen. The patient will start to BELIEVE. Once this is achieved the reiki doctor has basically done their job. A change in mindset is often all that is needed to overcome the toughest of obstacles.
Reiki hand positions...
hmmm...
I have no doubt that many people will disagree with my views (…most of them reiki practitioners and their patients). But they have to realise that I’m not slating the reiki business. Quite the opposite in fact, reiki is genius! If you could get someone to overcome their weaknesses and illness without actually doing anything or prescribing any drugs (abandoning he usual expenses, side effects and such) then by all means do so.
Queue analogy:
It’s like watching a good movie, nobody was thinking about how 90% of the battle sequences in The Lord of the Rings were computer generated images while they were watching (if you were, Congratulations! You are officially the biggest party pooper on the planet). If something is done convincingly enough, our minds perceive it to be real (even if for a short while… (Why is Frodo Baggins wearing shades and killing people in Sin City!!! The Ring! He MUST have… Oh… wait… nevermind…)).
Needless to say, when my acquaintance offered to do a quick reiki session on me I thought “Hmmm, what the hell, let’s see what comes of this” before placing my outstretched palm under hers. She frowned and thought for a little while. I really was expecting something profound after seeing those facial expressions… “Your Ki is unhappy, you need to bath under the waterfall of a clear mountain stream…” or “Your midi-chlorian count is low, you need to eat less junk food”. Heck even an uncertain “It’s difficult to say, your spiritual energy is blocking me out…” statement would have done the job.
Nope…
The reply I got surprised even me:
“Hmmm…” she said after a short while “You are not constipated”
(silence)
That’s it!!! Not Constipated!!! I could have told her that! She looked into to my Ki! Invaded my personal mysterious atmosphere! And all she could comment on was the passage of excrement through my anus!
Then I laughed… and brought my first ever reiki session to an abrupt end…
