Supermarket Detective Agency

There I was, minding my own business in the local supermarket. I grabbed a trolley, you know, one of those miniature ones designed to carry baskets for lazy people who refuse to use basket handles… in any case I proceeded in my usual manner, making my way to household cleaners (before shelf food items and then finally fridge/freezer items… if you don’t do this you are weird, so there). I should mention that things were not going so well for me this day as I had accumulated quite a lot of common cold symptoms. To be more specific; groggy voice, coughing and sputtering, red droopy eyes and a snotty nose to top it all off (just keep that wonderful image of me in your mind for now).

Back to the story, I had already placed an item or two into my trolley before I decided to make a quick trolley-less dash into a crowded isle to pick up some soap. I legged it through the masses of smelly obese ladies buying beauty products to the soap section hauled a couple bars of Protex into my arms and legged it back through the ambulating wall of lard. When I emerged (unscathed) I was greeted by an empty space where my trolley once stood.

GONE!?

What…? Where could it…? WHO TOOK IT!?

It had only been a few seconds, a half minute at the most. The rational thing to do would be to go back to the trolley section fetch another one, reselect taken items and get over it. Alas, my mind was not of a rational state at the time and my thoughts followed this path instead:

“The Bastard! I don’t want to have to get another trolley! Why should I? I distinctly remember putting a green basket at the top and a black one at the bottom, I can find this trolley snatcher and get my vehicle back! They can’t have gone very far and they will only have gathered a few items (if any) in the interim.”

I scan my surrounding through red eyes (how about that one…) before:

“There! Old lady pushing identical trolley with few items at 3 o’clock!”

I’m ashamed to say that I didn’t even think twice before walking up to her and asking her to return my trolley. I tried to sound friendly but my voice let me down and I ended up growling out a statement punctuated falsely by involuntary coughing.

“So *cough-cough* You’re the *cough* lady who *sputter-cough* took my *swallow phlegm* trolley!” I said, trying to smile after her eyes greeted me with some confusion and a bit of fear I guess.

“No.” says the old lady softly “I got mine from the front, but you can take one of my baskets. I’m checking out now”

I coughed my way though an apology before humbly (or at least as humble as a deranged coughing, snotty, psycho with a trolley fetish can possibly appear) accepting the offer and taking an unused basket from her. As I walked away, thoroughly embarrassed and ashamed, I spotted ANOTHER trolley that looked exactly like mine. Like an eagle fixing its gaze on potential prey from a distance, I locked onto to the trolleys driver (pusher?). An unattractive pudgy middle aged woman seemed a likely suspect for trolley theft as dastardly as had befallen me, especially so as she was wearing clothes that were at least 2-3 sizes too small for her (YUCK!). Only someone too lazy to carefully select proper clothes sizes so they can be comfortable would stoop so low as to steal someone else’s trolley to save a few measly seconds at the trolley stand!

I homed in on her and said “Hey! You took my *cough-cough* trolley, I was using that.” I was so sure! She looked at me, shook her head and said “No, I got this from the front”. Deflated, I apologized and decided to give up.

So, so sure… she MUST have been lying.

Bad case of mistaken identity

I hate it when people get offended for no reason (I can't seem to get this image to show properly. Click to enlarge)

The day I got it wrong

(Warning! this is a long and serious post with no traces of arb or humour)

So there I was making plans to take my basset hound Charlie for his first ever puppy social with two friends. It was a pleasant day and I expected everything to go well. I mean, how could three people walking their dogs in the park on a nice day possibly go wrong…

Well it did go wrong.

VERY wrong.

I offered to pick up one of my mates and her pooch on the way to the venue to make life a bit easier and for some company on the way. She agreed and off we went together up the hill to meet up with the rest of our party. Now, people that know me tend to put up with my silly hygiene issues and carry on with life. The issue in question in this situation was the fact that I don’t allow dogs to sit in the front of my bakkie (bakkie = truck or utility van). People in front, dogs at the back I’ve done it on many occasions (there is a canopy so it’s quite safe) and it hasn’t ever been a problem.

We went on to pick up my dog and then off to rendezvous. This is where the story takes a turn for the worse. At the rendezvous we get out the car to meet the rest of the party and check on the dogs at the back of my bakkie. I open the top half of the door only to be greeted by one dog (Charlie)… where was the 2^nd one?

Turns out my friends’ dog saw her owner leave, jumped through the window and into the front of my bakkie to follow and got closed shut in there in the process.

“Arrgh! A dog in the front of my bakkie!” I thought as I went through to the passenger door to fetch the dog with the intention of returning it to the back of the bakkie. BAD MOVE… as soon as I opened the door I realised that this dog was not going to allow me (a complete stranger) to pick it up. At that instant I froze giving the dog an opportunity to jump out the cabin and onto the road. She tried to run toward her owner but there was a deep gutter in the way and the only alternative to get to said owner was past me. She scooted past my legs and in a consequent failed attempt to grab her I ended up scaring her across the road where, as fate would have it, a car was driving past.

It happened so quickly in front of my very eyes, I remember every detail. With the direction of travel, momentum and fear this dog had, I thought she was a goner. I winced in helplessness as the car approached. Then I observed something quite strange, call me crazy but it appeared as though the dog hit some sort of invisible barrier literally centimeters away from the cars bumper and tire. She let out a Yip redoubled backwards and spun around holding her front left paw in the air in pain before running across to the other side of the road.

We proceeded to take the dog to the vet her owner crying uncontrollably all the while. She decided not to take a lift with me… and even though I followed and tried to be there for her, I kept getting the feeling that my mere presence was unwelcome. This was perhaps the most uncomfortable I’d ever felt. Sensing her need for space (from me the guy that almost killed her dog) and not quite knowing how to react I decided to keep my distance at the vet. I stuck around for a bit before realizing how useless I must have looked and said goodbye shortly after finding an excuse to leave and get my mind off the situation.

I’ve apologized and offered to help in any way I can since, but I just can’t seem to shake off the whole ordeal… It’s even distracting me from my work. I keep thinking of how much of a pillock I was to prioritize my personal hygiene issues ahead of that little doggies safety. I keep thinking about my friend in tears. I keep thinking about how I could have been more responsible and prevented the whole thing from happening and about how things could have turned out so much worse.

The dog has since been X-rayed and fully checked up. Thankfully she is okay (a bruised muscle).

In any case I really just want to get over all this and carry on with life. I thought that getting it off of my chest in a post could do the trick. I will probably have to endure a fair amount of pointing, sneering and general cold stares from the dog lover society that has since kicked me out (I don’t blame them). Pity, I quite like them even though they will probably never be as friendly to me again. I guess this is the price one must pay for being an idiot. The worse case scenario is that word of my deed spreads quickly and that I’ll have to endure a fair amount of being ignored or worse still, I'll have to put up with fake friendliness from people that don’t like or respect me any more.

Ahhhhh…. (EEbEE smiles)

That worked really well. I feel much better after getting it off my chest. People make mistakes… shit happens. Get over it and move on. Why should I care about what people think of me. One thought one goal. The rest is noise.