Friday, May 1, 2009

May day juice blog!

I was surprised and shocked when I found out that all of my favourite fruit juices are basically composed of apples, pears, grapes and oranges in different proportions with a bit of colourant to make them look like the fruits they are supposed to represent. The Juice Co. then slap a ‘100% fruit’ sticker on the bottle and hey presto, us innocent consumers are conned into thinking that we are drinking Heavens Ambrosia but instead are sucking down orange peel and pear seed juice.
If you want to enjoy real fruit juice these days you have to buy the fresh fruit you desire. Then you have to buy a juicing device (preferably electric), mushing the fruit up with a big spoon just doesn’t work. You now need to prepare the fruit for juicing (any seeds or unwashed pieces larger than a peanut will ruin your juicing machine…
After the prejuice prep, you start getting excited.
‘Oh yeah baby, not long now. I’m not going to drink anything else till my juice is ready. Oh yeah!’
(do a little dance in the middle of the kitchen)
‘No stupid juice company is going to beat my home-made juice, oh yeah!’


You turn the juicing machine on, it wakes up all the neighbours and leaves you partially deaf.
‘No worries. My own juice, oh yeah!’


You then realize that the 2 kg bag of imported star fruit you bought only makes half a glass of juice.
‘oh…..yeah…a…whole…125…ml…’ (sobs)


‘Never mind, I’ll just fill the rest of the glass up with ice so it’ll look like a full glass and it’ll be oh so cold. It’s sure to beat that commercial crap hands down’

So 3 hours after you decided to make your own juice (and R150 out of pocket), the moment of truth arrives. You sit down on the couch, put your feet up, put the TV on, lean back and finally, slooowy reach for the 100% genuine wonder juice you created.

Teeny sip ‘yum’
Bigger sip ‘hmmm…’
SLURP! ‘…needs sugar’

(5 teaspoons of sugar later)

‘Totally worth it, oh yeah!’

And I’ve never made my own fruit juice since…

3 comments:

sarah said...

ahahahahaa!

and yes! every bloody juice out there is made from apples with a little bit of other flavour - cheats!

i also heard that mcdonalds apple pies are made from potatoes! is that true?

sarah said...

(dont worry if you dont know the answer to that question. its pretty random!)

EEbEE said...

Yeah deflavoured apple juice... is that code for WATER!!!???

I've heard that Mcdonalds makes their potatoes chips from rice and flavoured with beef. If thats true then the whole chain is run by idiots. if they just made potatoe chips with potatoes, apple pies with apples and friggin burgers with beef (instead of... apples i presume)they could probably rule the world.


...wait...

nevermind