My kingdom for a scooter

Ever looked up at the sky, seen birds gliding through the air and thought “I wish I could fly…” (of course you have!). Well readers I have some great news for you!

My story starts at my parents hardware store in Kranskop. You see I am filling in for my sister and her husband while they vacation at the beach for two weeks. I learned very quickly that to survive in this place you have to make your own fun. I have since kept my eyes peeled for and embraced any opportunity for obscure entertainment I could find. One such opportunity presented its self today in fact. I was ambling around looking for something to do when I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. A red scooter! Parked outside the main shop entrance.

My view on scooters for the majority of my life was that these machines were feminine excuses for motorcycles. I usually made fun of them, laughing at their pitiful riders and the way they looked like they were sitting on the loo while manouvering. ALL UNTIL…

…FLCL

For those not familiar with FLCL: It’s a Japanese anime series that revolutionized the anime genre with unique and novel animation and a completely mindblowing storyline (funny as hell too). From what I understand the show famously blew an entire seasons budget on the first few episodes before the creators were forced to fit the remaining 16 or so episodes and the season finale into just two half hour slots to prevent investors from crucifying them. The results were (and still are) astounding! In any case, I’m drifting here… one of the shows main characters is a crazy alien chicky that rides around on…

…well this

Don’t let the looks fool you, this little Vespa is insanely fast and full of the bad-ass attitude us guys shamelessly fall to pieces for. Image by D_Nikolaos (photobucket).

So basically, scooters have been cool in my books since FLCL. So much so that I will, one day, own a little yellow “P!” scooter just like the one pictured here. I even want to start a bad-ass scooter gang “Hells Chihuahuas” we’ll call ourselves. Riding through the streets with our little 50 cc engines screaming away as we struggle to do 40 up the hills. We’ll raid the local bakeries of all their cheese bagels then storm the park to eat them (with gherkins… mmmmm) atop our fancy scooters...

Oh yeah, so there was this red scooter parked outside the shop. I went in, looked for the owner (a tall guy from India or Pakistan I guess), asked him if I could take it for a spin. He looked at me once in jest, then again with a slightly worried expression “Wait, this guy is serious…” I imagine he thought. After seeing the look I explained that I wanted to try it out and I know how to ride a motorcycle. He shrugged before leading me to the scooter, starting it and pointing to one of the handles “This is the brakes” he says in a heavy Middle Eastern accent. He turned around and went back into the store.

I had it all to myself! I didn’t think twice before taking off for a quick spin around the premises. At this point in time my cheeks started aching. Why was that??? Well, it so happened that I was grinning so widely and for so long that my face actually started hurting with the prolonged strain. I imagine that I could have eaten a whole banana with that grin…

…sideways…

… you pervert!!!

It mattered not that the thing felt so unsteady under me and that it was so slow and rickety and noisy and ugly and was structurally sound thanks to some strategically positioned tape… I was having a blast! Now I know why people ride these things!

They make you happy!

You want to fly?

Get a scooter…