My kingdom for a scooter

Ever looked up at the sky, seen birds gliding through the air and thought “I wish I could fly…” (of course you have!). Well readers I have some great news for you!

My story starts at my parents hardware store in Kranskop. You see I am filling in for my sister and her husband while they vacation at the beach for two weeks. I learned very quickly that to survive in this place you have to make your own fun. I have since kept my eyes peeled for and embraced any opportunity for obscure entertainment I could find. One such opportunity presented its self today in fact. I was ambling around looking for something to do when I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. A red scooter! Parked outside the main shop entrance.

My view on scooters for the majority of my life was that these machines were feminine excuses for motorcycles. I usually made fun of them, laughing at their pitiful riders and the way they looked like they were sitting on the loo while manouvering. ALL UNTIL…

…FLCL

For those not familiar with FLCL: It’s a Japanese anime series that revolutionized the anime genre with unique and novel animation and a completely mindblowing storyline (funny as hell too). From what I understand the show famously blew an entire seasons budget on the first few episodes before the creators were forced to fit the remaining 16 or so episodes and the season finale into just two half hour slots to prevent investors from crucifying them. The results were (and still are) astounding! In any case, I’m drifting here… one of the shows main characters is a crazy alien chicky that rides around on…

…well this

Don’t let the looks fool you, this little Vespa is insanely fast and full of the bad-ass attitude us guys shamelessly fall to pieces for. Image by D_Nikolaos (photobucket).

So basically, scooters have been cool in my books since FLCL. So much so that I will, one day, own a little yellow “P!” scooter just like the one pictured here. I even want to start a bad-ass scooter gang “Hells Chihuahuas” we’ll call ourselves. Riding through the streets with our little 50 cc engines screaming away as we struggle to do 40 up the hills. We’ll raid the local bakeries of all their cheese bagels then storm the park to eat them (with gherkins… mmmmm) atop our fancy scooters...

Oh yeah, so there was this red scooter parked outside the shop. I went in, looked for the owner (a tall guy from India or Pakistan I guess), asked him if I could take it for a spin. He looked at me once in jest, then again with a slightly worried expression “Wait, this guy is serious…” I imagine he thought. After seeing the look I explained that I wanted to try it out and I know how to ride a motorcycle. He shrugged before leading me to the scooter, starting it and pointing to one of the handles “This is the brakes” he says in a heavy Middle Eastern accent. He turned around and went back into the store.

I had it all to myself! I didn’t think twice before taking off for a quick spin around the premises. At this point in time my cheeks started aching. Why was that??? Well, it so happened that I was grinning so widely and for so long that my face actually started hurting with the prolonged strain. I imagine that I could have eaten a whole banana with that grin…

…sideways…

… you pervert!!!

It mattered not that the thing felt so unsteady under me and that it was so slow and rickety and noisy and ugly and was structurally sound thanks to some strategically positioned tape… I was having a blast! Now I know why people ride these things!

They make you happy!

You want to fly?

Get a scooter…

Views on smelly emotions

I know it’s only natural to be attracted to certain smells (perfumes, food, coffee, baking…). It’s almost like some invisible force has lassoed you by the nose and has decided to reel you in. It can happen so quickly too. For example, I’ll be walking past a bakery without a thought of going in to buy anything before, “WHAM!” (fresh cheese bagel smell) first my eyes widen, then my head will turn toward the direction of the source and before I know it I’m walking out the place choking on drool while carrying a bag of goodies. I become like Gollum clutching onto the one ring after that. In fact I wouldn’t be surprised if I subconsciously scowled at a few random innocent bystanders and stroked the bag on the way to my car (yes, I’m THAT helpless when it comes to fresh bread… don’t judge me).

(Ignore the ferret in that bagel... my Photoshop skills have some way to go.)

It all sort of makes sense when you think about it. There is often a nice reward associated with good smells… now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that a ladies nice perfume for example is positively linked to the size of her…eyes. I will concede, however, that most men (ones that don’t use moisturizer on their hands at least) are likely to turn their heads in the general direction of a lovely feminine scent to… look for potential; simply because if something smells pretty, it may just look pretty too.

(pauses to think)

Okay okay, rereading the last line of the previous paragraph, I realise how this point of view could be perceived as shallow and possibly lead readers to think that I’m some sort of fetish driven pervert. Before you jump to false conclusions about me please look at yourself and think about the last time a beautiful scent of perfume or cologne wafted past you in a corridor. Now nod in approval as you remember how helpless you were when you turned to look at the source of the fragrance. GUILTY I SAY!!! At this point you will find that you either turn back in shame (us modest lot do this…) or you look again to take in the details and fantasize about how that person would look drenched in vanilla custard.

(b.t.w. if you nodded for that second part then you are in fact a sick and freakish weirdo… go get help, it may not be too late).

My apologies if this post seemed a little rambly up to this point. I am in fact building up to the big question and slightly confusing situation I find myself in. You see I think smells help us to form a sort of emotional link to their respective sources. I think it has something to do with the familiarity and positive/negative feedback associated with a smell that makes it have so much control over a person.

This is exactly the reason I can’t understand what it is about the smell of pencil sharpenings (yes, good old fashioned wooden pencil shavings) that draws me to them?

There is something about that quite distinctive smell that I really REALLY like. If they ever sold essence of pencil sharpening or aerosol in the shops, I would totally go out there, buy the stuff and proceed to douse all of my stationery and office desk drawers with it. Heck I’d probably even eat a pencil sharpenings flavoured muffin!

Why?

I haven’t the slightest clue… this is where I was hoping my readers would be able to help me. Is it just me or is there anyone out there with a similar affection for a completely random smell. (Then again, maybe I do need help…).